Are You Ready To Fall Apart?
by Lyn Leahz ©2012
The winds have changed, and the night has surely fallen heavy,
As I, a spoiled innocent, left guilty and hopeless of a deed unknowingly done,
Hopelessly lift up my eyes to the hills; but there is no help, and no help comes.
And I say to myself, “Shall my relief ever draw near?”
Bowing my head in anguish, drowning my face in salted tears,
They sting, and they burn relentlessly, though not erasing the many years.
I cry out, this time louder, as I lift my hands in humble surrender.
“I am here! Have you forgotten? You promised never to forsake me!”
A loud roar rattles the silence, a rumbling shakes the earth beneath my feet,
The sky unfolds as lightning splits the darkness in two, the mountains crumble into dust;
Dropping to my knees in fear, there seems to be no shelter from the chaotic mess here,
My mouth is as dry as paper, and I can taste the dirt upon my tongue, heaving and lamenting…
“Oh God, where does my help come from?”
It seems the end has arrived, for my eyes can no longer remain open;
There is nothing but blackness, and so great that I can feel it.
As my strength fails me, I am both angry and frightened, for I have been abandoned.
I’m not sure what to do, nor is there a place that I can go, so I begin to pray.
As I begin to utter the words from a set of parched, and speechless lips,
A hand emerges through the shroud of death that lingers round about me;
I hear a voice that seems familiar, yet I’ve never heard it before,
and see a hand that wipes my eyes, and quenches all my thirst.
Face to face, and kneeling before me, gazing deeply within my eyes, he softly whispers,
“Stand up My child, I have been here with you all along;
“there was never a moment when you were alone; I’ve been covering you with my arms,
“I was here, I Am here, I will always be with you, My love has no end.”
He stretched forth his hand and drew me to my feet as I attempted to speak.
But He knew my words before they ever made it past my tongue,
“I know, and I forgive you son.” He held out His hands for me to gaze upon.
“See, I did this for you because I knew you would stumble and stagger.”
When He smiled, I knew the clouds and the debris were gone,
I peered into His eyes and perceived two doves dancing in the meadow at sunrise,
I became lost within them, and I knew not where I was, though I tried;
A gentle breeze encompassed me, and a fragrance sweet as lilacs filled my nose.
Finally, I cried out in gladness, “Thank You Lord; thank You!”
But all at once, He was gone, and all I could hear was this peculiar song:
“I shall never leave you, I shall never forsake you, when the load is too heavy….
“It is then when I shall carry your cross for you; only lie down your ways, and enter into mine.
“You see My child, by walking with Me, you’ve left nothing good behind;
“The true winner is the one who loses everything, and the true loser is the one who has gained it all…
and then his everything will surely fall.”
It is when we are broken that we realize that we just can’t do it on our own anymore. We have reached the point where we give up…and that’s what is necessary..we must give up so we can let Christ rule in our hearts. When we try to control everything, it doesn’t work. Our stubbornness and pride are a diamond-hard wall that are nearly impossible to penetrate; but God can. Although God does not inflict suffering upon us, He can sometimes allow it if He sees the long-term benefit to our soul. He wants us healthy, happy and all of that good stuff..but, He cares most about our eternity, not the flesh, which is so short of a time. If allowing you to suffer in order that it will make you surrender saves your soul from hell, then it was well worth it in the end. He is always with you, even when you don’t feel it…He is there.
We can’t be whole until we are broken. Are you ready to fall apart?